A Wedding Without My Dad - Who will Walk With Me

September 14, 2016  •  3 Comments
Liverpool Liver BuildingLiverpool Liver BuildingThe view from my hotel in Liverpool, where I stayed the night before my Dad's Funeral The Z Hotel

Last week I buried my dad on 9th September 2016.  He died three weeks earlier on 17th August 2016.  I was told he was desperately ill the day before and the next day he was dead.  His funeral was three weeks later on 9th September 2016. So after three weeks of coping, of just existing or feeling numb, I was desperate to say goodbye.  

It was a beautiful service in Thornton on The Wirral and then close friends and family went to the Landican for his final farewell.  

I had a wedding the day after and went straight into that. Fortunately my usual bright, bubbly self, simply took over.  I got home around 6 pm and slept for around 72 hours. Emotionally and physically exhausted.

The next day I had the opportunity to reflect and these thoughts struck me:  

  • He will never walk me down the aisle, 

  • I will have to do that alone,  

  • I have no male family now who I could ask,  

  • My Dad is really gone

  • The world shines less brightly!!

How sad is that, right?  No wrong.  I am not going to lie to you, it will be hard, it will be emotional, but my dad left me with many gifts.  One was being strong as hell when it really matters.  Oh, I can weep, wail and moan with the best of them, but deep down, in my gut, I have a will of steel and a strength that often surprises me. In fact, I am a pretty bass ass lass when push comes to shove.  

On that Day, dad left me another gift too, one that although broke me leaves me with something so precious.  As the service finished, a voice came on singing "Somewhere over the Rainbow", this voice was filled with absolute passion and conviction.  That voice was my dad playing with his beloved band.  

Who Will Walk Me Down the Aisle, Now My Dad Is deadWho Will Walk Me Down the Aisle, Now My Dad Is deadHere is my Dad in his younger days with his much loved band members. He adored these guys and adored playing with them when they reformed to become 'Midlife Crisis' . Perhaps one of these guys would do me the honour of walking down the aisle with me when the time comes.  

I remember being in the studio when they recorded it, and his absolute terror and joy in the whole experiences.  So, my Dad gave me a final gift as I said farewell. His gift means I now know, I shall NEVER walk alone!!

Please Play as you read the rest of this blog - this song is part of me, my family and our history.  Perhaps it will give you the strength it gives me x.

 

 

I will walk down with him, with his voice, with his love and apparently with many of his mannerisms (I am not sure that is a good thing) - Your Dad will be there on your day no matter what.  He is within you and you are part of him ...always..

Thank you, John Martin - singer, entertainer and consummate show-off, and thank you for all the gifts you gave me.  I may even steal the arm of one of your band members when that time does come.

For those of you that are part of the 'Dead Dad's Club,' there are many options and solutions.  Here are a few for the bride who doesn't know who will walk her down the aisle.

  • Walk alone: it's kind of a bad ass statement of your superwoman self, pick a tune that means your dad is there with you.

  • Ask your fiance's father walk you: after all, he will be your new father-in-law anyway.

  • Have your brother or male cousin walk you: loving comforting masculine energy will bring comfort as you are walking down the aisle.

  • Have your bad ass single mother to walk you: she nailed it as your mother and father anyway, why not have her show off her skills one last time?

There are many more options that can work. I have seen the groom's son walk the bride. I have seen a best friend walk the bride. These days tradition is out and real connections are in. 

Be strong ladies, be brave, embraces those feeling, those memories, those emotions and do him proud.  Your man is so fortunate to have a daughter raised by a man like your dad. xx

Remember - You will never Walk Alone.

 
 
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Comments

Tracy Anne Lock(non-registered)
Just lovely xx
Jenny Martin Photography
Laura, I remember it like it was yesterday. He did a beautiful job, your wedding was truly a joy to be a part of. Thank you for picking me and your choice of male escort on that long journey could not have been better xx
Laura James(non-registered)
Huge condolences Jenny. You're right, you are a bad ass!

I didn't have my dad to walk me down the aisle, and I pondered lots of options, in the end the answer was staring me right in the face, as I was tucking him in one night, and so our 8 year old son did it, and did us proud!
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